Jokes websitetrabajos
i need the best there is to make me a myspace layout representing my web design business please no jokes i need the real deal.. must have feedback or you will not get the job.. need samples of your graphics.. budget is $50
i want jokes in german they can be from the internet about 800 that has no adult or racial content... and to be very funny if not funny i wont pay the man who get the jokes need to know german if he dose not know german i will not pay him the man cant use google trnslate
... I need a small job finished and made to work. I had someone else work on it that quit mid way through. We would like this Theme... and to add: * Comment filtering * Automatic emailing of postings to subscribers using google's mailer [it currently does this well.] * Calendar * Donate button * Video Page * Games and jokes like in the one she has now [some plugins are in there already but we need more.] to be put in a games page. * Chat capability [filtered] [plugin already in but we need to secure it with the overall registration] * Existing Logo with new color scheme to match theme colors * Existing Posts and pics to be transfered. Cannot be lost. * Profile creator with gravatar function [already uploaded]
I write facts about people and you write jokes about them. Need these jokes for speech. You help me write speech as well.
...fast PHP developer who know CSS and mysql knowledge. We have static website attached screenshot of website page.. and we need to update few pages on our site. On download section section we will provide the design of pages in PSD format. we need admin for that pages also to update their imformation..we already have so you need to work on that CMS admin...it's simple On download Tab we have 3 submenu...wallpapers,screensavers, games and jokes. and on shedules tab we 4 pages which is alosmost same pages..for all 4 subpages..so it's easy to update on site. also need little bit formating on few pages like somewhere we need to make text font colour type things...this is very easy job who know CSS good. We have 2 more website on which we need few more...
Hello There, I'm in need of auto tweeting script. Option I needed - * password protected admin panel. * a input page where I can submit and save tweets for posting future random tweets.(exp.: quotes, phrase, jokes etc.) * import tweets from txt file and keep them save in above list. * accounts input page where I can save at-least 10 accounts * post random tweet by choosing a random account from a certain time. * after specific tweets(like every 10-15 tweets) auto mention a random follower from my list and tweet. PS: better if has some kind of database system, as have I have hosting already. PSS: I'm also looking long time relations as I want to update script time to time as twitter will update there system.
...Marc, a new sales rep for a French ERP software company in Bordeaux "Ultimate ERP", is recruited to sell the ERP software to others countries. He is married to Sarah, and have 1 son called Sebastien. The short story can be a dialogue between Marc (the "hero") and his teammates, or talking to himself. He mades his demonstration with a IT guy Ludovic. They become friend. It can be humorous with jokes, fun…. Examples of story to tell for the 30 lessons (you don't have to stick to it, it is the big lines): 1. A new guy arrive in the company (Marc) and is in charge of selling the software worldwide. He introduce himself and telling what he has done before (selling software for a worldwide software editor) … 2. Henry, The boss is expla...
This is a project for 5...rights to articles when accepted articles are completed. As for the topic: my website is www . red eye comedy . com each article will need 6% of the keyword for that article and also two or more uses of one or two of their similar good keyword for now you can start with 10 articles: - one for the homepage - one to get people to submit cartoons smoking weed - submit girls smoking weed pictures and videos - submit funny pics of weed - also an article about each of those topics for those pages - top ten list of sites with those topics - top ten list of those topics - ten best stoner movies/cartoons, etc. keywords are: cartoons smoking weed girls smoking weed funny pics of weed weed jokes red eyes Long-term work if quality is...
...month. Every month we will give you our software pick of the month to include in the newsletter and you will have to write a small paragraph about the software and why it is useful or beneficial. A download link will be included for users to download directly from the newsletter. Another thing to include is a computer joke, this joke must be a clean funny joke. Occasionally we will supply topics, jokes, etc. for you to elaborate on. Every once in a while we will want a coupon included for service, hardware or software. Below are some examples of possible topics: Our Windows 7 Tip of the Month 5 Ways to Speed up your computer This month’s Maintenance Tip Our Software Pick of the Month PLEASE READ: Your bid is for your first newsletter only, if we decide to choose ...
...a funny joke to tell you... etc etc etc etc This is just an example but I need scripts like this for audio greeting cards. Each script will have variables that the user can select to customize the card. You must come up with 30 or more variables for each insert in the script that we will record in the studio. I am looking for creativity and ideas for holidays, occasions, funny scripts, pranks, jokes, anniversaries, etc Send me some of your ideas or samples to be considered for this project. ## Deliverables 1) Complete and fully-functional working program(s) in executable form as well as complete source code of all work done. 2) Deliverables must be in ready-to-run condition, as follows? (depending on the nature? of the deliverables): a)? For web sites or? other server-si...
Hello, We would like this Theme... and to add: * Comment filtering * Automatic emailing of postings to subscribers using google's mailer [it currently does this well.] * Calendar * Donate button * Games and jokes like in the one she has now [some plugins are in there already but we need more.] to be put in a games page. * Chat capability [filtered] [plugin already in but we need to secure it with the overall registration] * Existing Logo with new color scheme to match theme colors * Existing Posts and pics to be transfered. Cannot be lost. * Profile creator with gravatar function [already uploaded] * There are other plugins that were downloaded that should be considered and I would like suggestions of any other
I have a suite of dumb soundboard apps. I need you to port one of them to android so then I can change some filenames and port them all over to android myself. Here is the link to my app. ;uo=6 It's super simple. Just make it work on Android. I will send you a rough wireframe and the entire build in xcode. It's basically 5 screens 1) A splash page 2-5) A background image, admob on the bottom, and 9 buttons (press a button hear a .mp3) You just build it in android with all the same asset filenames, etc.. You should have Iphone or simulator so you can run my app and see how it works, and android sdk. You also should be familiar with android SDK so I can bug you with questions about it. If you
Hellow, I need a joke website. In attachment you can see the example of front page. The design isn't needed for this website. So you can build just tables with border="1". The design will be created later. * Need CMS system: can edit jokes, delete theim, create categories, insert jokes, no user sign-up.; * Need from CMS that I can add how many languages I want and edit the all site text, categories etc.; * Need rate system for each joke (one IP can rate 1 joke 1 time, user can leave comment once in 10min.); * Anti-spam system that can't inject database. Our insert illegal name string like Fu.., sh.. or smth.; * Show somewhere best 10 jokes of day/week/month/all time; * In each categorie belown menu show how much jokes ...
I? need to setup a quick and easy website like this <>? Basically, my idea is put a few? celebrity pics? in a line and make the website visitors hit them with a shoe. Also, put a counter to add the number of hits. google ads and other banner ads to get some income. Maybe, place? funny jokes and youtube videos of the celebrities on the side of the webpage. There are many free flash making sites like [][1] which can be used to quickly make this game.
We need a simple widget application developed, to display random content from a database. This will be a widget on the same kind of "quote of the day", "jokes"... This widget will make it possible so people can embed it on their own website. We're looking at a maximum budget of $50, so, bids above that will not be considered. We have other projects in sight, so long-term is a possibility.
I? need to setup a quick and easy website like this <>? Basically, my idea is put a few? celebrity pics? in a line and make the website visitors hit them with a shoe. Also, put a counter to add the number of hits. google ads and other banner ads to get some income. Maybe, place? funny jokes and youtube videos of the celebrities on the side of the webpage. some free games are here. <>
I? need to setup a quick and easy website like this <>? Basically, my idea is put a few? celebrity pics? in a line and make the website visitors hit them with a shoe. Also, put a counter to add the number of hits. google ads and other banner ads to get some income. Maybe, place? funny jokes and youtube videos of the celebrities on the side of the webpage. some free games are here. <>
I have a suite of dumb soundboard apps. I need you to port one of them to android so then I can change some filenames and port them all over to android myself. Here is the link to my app. ;uo=6 It's super simple. Just make it work on Android. I will send you a rough wireframe and the entire build in xcode. You just build it in android with all the same asset filenames, etc.. You should have Iphone or simulator so you can run my app and see how it works, and android sdk. You also should be familiar with android SDK so I can bug you with questions about it. If you bid over $100 you will be ignored so don't bother bidding. If you have less than 3 ratings on GAF, don't bother bidding. Thanks
Have a simple soundboard app. Have adwhirl SDK implemented, need to replace with Admob SDK. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I ha...the fuck I'm doing. I have no problem adding admob, I just can't properly remove adwhirl without getting errors when I try to build app in Xcode. Very simple and easy money if you know what the hell you are doing. If you bid more than $30 US you will be ignored. If you have no feedback you will be ignored. Here is a link to the app. ;uo=6 I will send you code and admob sdk, you send me back working app, and if I need to know it you explain to me how to put app ID into code. I'm not an idiot, I just need a file name and a codeline to find it in Xcode. Thanks
this project is for the programmer sendmassage that i need a complete website to send sms and have sms jokes and comments.
I am looking to make/buy an SMS site to my portfolio. It should send sms online free with sms jokes and comments script I prefer to be for India and around . Please send me your feedbacks . Regards,
I? need to setup a quick and easy website like this <>? Basically, my idea is put a few? celebrity pics? in a line and make the website visitors hit them with a shoe. Also, put a counter to add the number of hits. google ads and other banner ads to get some income. Maybe, place? funny jokes and youtube videos of the celebrities on the side of the webpage. some free games are here. <>
...bottom (see Sex Jokes, Blonde Jokes in the app store to get an idea of what I want) At the push of each button I will also want it to sound a wav file as well as handle the action. I'll provide a couple of pics to use as background images and to use for the Interface. The jokes should go straight through and then loop when finished, not randomized order. I would prefer the jokes and answers to be stored on a plist where it it easy for me to input them or make changes. I'll input the jokes once the design is finished as well as the sound effects but the finished product should have text and wavs that I can simply replace with my data. Button design and other minor details will be up to the developer but the idea is to have a sleek look...
...funny clean jokes in “story format” of 100-200 words each (not 1 liner joke styles)for existing clean joke site. Must be clean family suitable jokes for existing DMOZ listed site - no bad language, no sexual content... Stories to have unique storey elements , ie no yomama .. and must be high rated and have strong funny ending punch line. Winning bidder will provided URL no joke duplication. Jokes must be sourced from more than 8 sites, with no more than 2 jokes stories from any site. B) Rewrite 10 selected jokes of the 15 jokes so that they are 100% original ie change named . location switched .. alter wording a little so they pass copyscape - we retain ownership of all the copyright jokes .. jokes must not be...
Require around (Funny and Hilarious) 1000 Top Quality jokes in HINDI Language. There is no need to type in Hindi; it is enough to type them in English the way they are pronounced in Hindi. Example "apna naam kya hai?" should be typed if the language is Hindi and the question is "What is your name". However its also ok if you have jokes written directly in Hindi Font; but please make sure that there is no need to install any special font to view it. =========== IMPORTANT =========== *************I NEED UNIQUE CONTENT************* You can spin off other jokes but please make sure that the end result contains unique sentence formations and the essence of the joke isnt lost in that process. ****************************************...
Require around 400 jokes and funny sms text messages in any of the following languages: Telugu Kannada Marathi I am open to accepting multiple bids from different people (for different languages). There is no need to type in the particular language's font; it is enough to type them in English the way they are pronounced in that particular language. Example "apna naam kya hai?" should be typed if the language is Hindi and the question is "What is your name". =========== IMPORTANT =========== I NEED UNIQUE CONTENT You can spin off other jokes but please make sure that the end result contains unique sentence formations and the essence of the joke isnt lost in that process. ************************************************ PLEASE ...
Hi, i have a data base of jokes, I simply need it dropped into an excel spreadsheet,
Require around 1000 jokes and funny sms text messages in HINDI Language. Atleast 300 (or more) of these should be Jokes (not sms). There is no need to type in Hindi; it is enough to type them in English the way they are pronounced in Hindi. Example "apna naam kya hai?" should be typed if the language is Hindi and the question is "What is your name". However its also ok if you have jokes written directly in Hindi Font; but please make sure that there is no need to install any special font to view it. =========== IMPORTANT =========== *************I NEED UNIQUE CONTENT************* You can spin off other jokes but please make sure that the end result contains unique sentence formations and the essence of the joke isnt lost ...
This really is a piece of ca...have missed or what you don't hear in the audio. And the one thing I stress is proof reading. Please PROOF-READ PROOF-READ PROOF-READ. Have someone else read it too if you think their may be some errors. I have to re-record everything because of an audio problem (ughhhh). I just want to be able to read it straight through word for word because I do some ad-libbing and put in some funny jokes that I don't want to have to remember and not have to think about again haha. I would do this problem (...since it is so easy), but I am really pressed for time right now. You would be a big help by assisting me. Possible Bonus for excellent work :). Though I'd like it as quickly as possible. Quality is MUCH BETTER than speed. ...
Require around 1000 jokes and funny sms text messages in HINDI Language. Atleast 300 (or more) of these should be Jokes (not sms). There is no need to type in Hindi; it is enough to type them in English the way they are pronounced in Hindi. Example "apna naam kya hai?" should be typed if the language is Hindi and the question is "What is your name". =========== IMPORTANT =========== I NEED UNIQUE CONTENT You can spin off other jokes but please make sure that the end result contains unique sentence formations and the essence of the joke isnt lost in that process. ************************************************ PLEASE DONT BLINDLY COPY FROM OTHER WEBSITES. ************************************************ Even if the jokes ...
Require around 400 jokes and funny sms text messages in ANY INDIAN LANGUAGE like Malayalam, Kannada, Marathi, Gujarathi, Punjabi (other languages also) etc. (excepting for Tamil, Telugu and Hindi). I am open to accepting multiple bids from different people (for different languages). There is no need to type in the particular language's font; it is enough to type them in English the way they are pronounced in that particular language. Example "apna naam kya hai?" should be typed if the language is Hindi and the question is "What is your name". =========== IMPORTANT =========== I NEED UNIQUE CONTENT You can spin off other jokes but please make sure that the end result contains unique sentence formations and the essence of the joke isn...
...require around 200 to 250 jokes and sms (Text Messages) in the French Language. These jokes should be unique; that is if I copy a line of a joke and search in Google, I shouldnt find any duplicates. You can spin off other jokes, but please make sure that at the end the essence of the joke isnt lost and the wordings are unique. If it is an SMS joke, please type the French words in English (that is the words are written in English as if they are pronounced in French: Transliteration). If you are writing the jokes directly in French, please dont use any specialized font; any one who visits the website should be able to read it without installing any special font. Example of jokes: Doctor Jokes in French, Lawyer Jokes in Fren...
1000 unique and funny jokes need to be written. These jokes should pass CopyScape () and must not contain jokes in the following categories (adult, racist, blonde, redneck, Irish etc.). All the jokes should be SFW (Safe for Work). The jokes should be short and really funny. The jokes should also be categorized into different categories such as marriage jokes, short jokes, lawyer jokes, doctor jokes, schook jokes, office jokes, college jokes etc. Please dont blindly copy from other websites; jokes can be spin offs but the wordings should be different and the essence of the jokes shouldnt be lost in the process. These jokes shouldnt be again resold anywhere else.
We need a developer who understand Ruby on Rails who can help run and maintain a video Amazon Cloud based website that specializes in user generated joke telling. The site also needs to be fully implemented in all aspects of social networking and maintained in the social networking world. The site is built and is running in beta format and goes live with a 1.0 version in the next week or month. It is built/written on Ruby and Rails, and is on the Amazon cloud for video hosting. THe site is owned and run by a prominent film director and is going to be the basis for a weekly television show. We are located in West Los Angeles and are looking for someone to work full or part time in the office. We need someone that can learn the whole site from the programmer that built it, run...
This is what this website stands for; Our target audience are from a wide verity of ethnically displaced minorities. They had also bought into the whole political propaganda that had been sold to all the sub-Sahara African during the colonial era's by the westerners. Today, we of this present generation are motivated to use the available resources within our means in encoring our brother and sister, so that we could CHANGE that mind set that was intended to down grade our cultural heritage. In life, if one keeps running after someone else, they will always be behind that person. But, anyone who wants to dictate their own pace, has to initiate their own race. Rather than feeling alienated from the opportunities of inequalities, it is wiser to embrace ones indigenous origi...
...different usage. The idea here is to provide a form for short message submittal; any message which a guest submits through the form, will be shown on the big screen some minutes later. It is meant to be a funny mechanism for the guests to send greetings, jokes, etc. There are still a few more details (about 25% extra requirements) which have been omitted in the explanation in order not to expand too much. We will provide you the complete project specification document when we get in touch through email (you can provide your email and website URL as this is a featured project). This project requires either that you have developed some drawing software before in the past or that you know how to use an opensource API which solves the basic drawing capabilities (it would...
project No 1 we want to creat Large website web 2.0 contains all features and services and tools of those website separate services (Eg. ,mobile version, toolbar, widgets, dev api). we want similar services in one website , one toolbar IE,.firefox I mean home page like and add all other services and features such other websites the site must be contains the services and features of these websites . my reqest is clear , all features . ## Deliverables First these points for all projects : ----------------------------------------- 1- the website , scripts and programs ( all projects ) should be intended and design to have get visitores inquery easy and( excellen speed ) and professional as the site of and
Hi I am looking for a web designer who can design and maintain my website. I want to make a greetings cards website like which will also have jokes, scraps, bollywood and hollywood updates and tunes (eg. www.santabanta.com. I am looking at 150 egreetings at this moment with copyrights. We have started maeketing for web designing and would be looking for some one who can take care of the designing part. It is big project and longterm project. Contact ASAP. Immediate start.
***This project is for a joomla pro not for beginners*** I have a joomla 1.0 that need to be recreated/redesigned. Your work involve: -site is developed with joomla 1.0, i need you to update it to joomla 1.5 -create a template for the site according with the provided jpeg. -add a ads component, better one then marketplace and optimize it -site have a jokes module which I'd like to be changed into a particular one with separated categories. -dating component, install and optimize it. -webdirector is already added and optimized, just include a link to it into the menu. -install and optimize a downloads section -add a forum component, better then fireboard and optimize it. -install and optimize a games section -add a photo component with the option for the users to add photos -add...
The Truth About Pigs And Planes By Wendy Sims Every once in a while we...myself and forego all the harassment that I'm due. But eventually everything will snowball and folks will just want to know why I no longer talk about pigs every time I hear them say something about 'rootings'. It could take on the domino theory and just keep going which I am afraid will happen anyway. But then again, I could just let these same people, who would otherwise heap mountains of jokes at my feet, find out for themselves the truth about pigs and planes. So to all of you pilots out there who have been 'rooting' and have been 'rooted' across the globe, hither and yon, I apologize. May you "root" as long as it makes you hap...
Hi, I'm urgently looking for a webdesigner who can design, develop and upload my egreeeting website. My site would have egreeting card (150 CARDS TO STRAT WITH COPYRIGHT), [facebook, orkut, twitter] scrap, jokes[text,sms]. The ideal website should look like initially , however there are few more features that we would like to add at a later stage. It would be long term project. Looking for an immediate start. Contact ASAP. Thank You.
Hi, I have a new facebook page for a fun site (with games,jokes,etc) and I need to feel it with funs :) ... The funs must come from the area of Greece (and maybe some from EU). These must be real people active and not fake accounts....... This is a small project I can pay only $50-$100.... A second similar SEO project but larger in size, for a commercial wed site, will come next month...... Please state the number of funs in your bid.... br
I have a new website that is in need of good Jokes. I need a provider who can find good jokes and post them thru the admin section of my site. Each joke must be loaded one at a time. Process is as follows: Select a catagory Enter the Joke Title Enter the Joke Select "submit" You can only use jokes that are free. It's a very simple and fun project. Your bid is how many jokes you can post for $30.
Hello, site We would like this Theme... and to add: * Comment filtering * Automatic emailing of postings to subscribers using google's mailer [it currently does this well.] * Calendar * Donate button * Games and jokes like in the one she has now [some plugins are in there already, but we need more.] to be put in a games page. * Chat capability [filtered] [plugin already in but we need to secure it with the overall registration] * Existing Logo with new color scheme to match theme colors * Existing Posts and pics to be transfered. Cannot be lost. * Profile creator with gravatar function [already uploaded] * There are other plugins that were downloaded that should be considered and I would like suggestions
First these points for all projects : ----------------------------------------- 1- the website , scripts and programs ( all projects ) should be intended and design to have get visitores inquery easy and( excellen speed ) and professional as the site of and trillian program . and provide me consultation for procuring webhosting, maintaing and running the site operations. customize script and guarantee so that it's able to scale up to million users at the same time without any problems or slow down. 2- we want u to add monitoring server , scripts and programs that send SMS message immediately after the any error or db down or delay of the program or database and sent message to technical support. 2- all the rights of the program + source is owned by us and th...
project No 1 we want to creat Large website web 2.0 contains all features and services and tools of those website separate services (Eg. ,mobile version, toolbar, widgets, dev api). we want similar services in one website , one toolbar IE,.firefox I mean home page like and add all other services and features such other websites the site must be contains the services and features of these websites . my reqest is clear , all features . ## Deliverables First these points for all projects : ----------------------------------------- 1- the website , scripts and programs ( all projects ) should be intended and design to have get visitores inquery easy and( excellen speed ) and professional as the site of and
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Need channel icon logo for TV show. Its a funny show featuring stunts, skits, and jokes. ## Deliverables Rent A Coder requirements notice: As originally posted, this bid request does not have complete details. Should a dispute arise and this project go into arbitration "as is", the contract's vagueness might cause it to be interpreted against you, even though you were acting in good-faith. So for your protection, if you are interested in this project, please work-out and document the requirements onsite.
I have a SMS jokes portal. I need someone to manage and update its content and perform other administrative tasks on regular basis. This would be a part time job but have to be online multiple times during 24 hours. Please bid for a monthly pay along with you qualification and experience of managing such portals and websites. You job will include but the not limited to the following: 1. Collecting more jokes and stuff 2. Choosing quality content and putting it to the portal 3. Managing users and replying to their support emails 4. Managing banner ads 5. Moderate jokes and stuff posted by users A Pakistani or Indian would be suitable for this job as in the current portal version most of the jokes are in Urdu and Punjabi. ## Deliverables The portal manager shou...
