Check elevator pitch - company statement

Hello, I need advice on an elevator pitch/brief company statement targeted towards possible business partner. The existing document needs to be improved on plausibility, wording, concept and design from someone with business understanding. We need a view from the outside. We have a slightly unusual and exciting product and need to explain what we are doing, what the benefits to the user are and why we will cut through in the market. I need a short, professional and believable description of our product, our goals and how we will achieve them. The documents purpose is to convince (conservative)business partner to work with us. There is an existing document that contains the facts but lacks the zest. Thanks, Andreas